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  • Sarah Rose

10 Dating Mistakes

[Listen to an audio version of this blog HERE].



We've all witnessed or engaged in some bad dating moves, and it's not hard to do. Communication can be difficult, especially when so much of it is through screens. Back when I was heavily in the dating game, I made a list of some serious red flags and/or terrible mistakes. I'm here to impart my wisdom unto you. Don't make my mistakes, or do, but learn from them. Thank you, and you're welcome.


1. You're Not Ready To Date

This happens all the time. Maybe you just exited a long relationship, or you're unduly burdened by work obligations or other extenuating circumstances. Dating someone requires time, energy, and a willingness to compromise on some stuff. It's good and healthy to take time for yourself if and when you need it.

2. You Engage in Unilateral Sacrifice

This happens when you give up your own interests and/or sacrifice more time than your partner. I see women do this almost without realizing it, but it's a bad idea. Compromise to meet your partner halfway, yes. Lose touch with the things or people who make you feel like you? Not a chance. Be sure to guard yourself against anyone who demands more of you than is reasonable for you to give, and be okay walking away from a toxic person.


3. Dick Pics

Unsolicited dick pics are enormous, fluorescent red flags, and something men everywhere should stop doing. If you ask for a dick pic, by all means. But unsolicited dick pics are the gross underbelly of the dating world. They are unnecessary power moves that prove nothing except how small and insecure the guy is. (Scroll to the bottom for a poem by yours truly about dick pics).


4. Bad Communication

Someone who won't text you back, ignores your calls, makes last-minute plans, or cannot communicate his or her feelings is not someone who will likely be a positive addition to your life. Enough said.


5. Ghosting

We've all been there, and we've all done it. It's not nice, and it doesn't feel nice, and it points back to point #4: bad communication. If you've ever been ghosted though, know that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. And remember my just-invented tagline: grown-ups don't ghost.


6. Too Clingy Too Soon

Actually, it's never a great look to be clingy and I personally can't stand a clinger. Clingy-ness looks like this: texting you constantly (doesn't he/she have shit to do??), checking in incessantly, wanting to do everything together (even life's mundane minutiae, like grocery shopping or clipping toenails). Either disentangle yourself from the clinger or gently but firmly set some boundaries by communicating your need for personal space.


7. Telling Everyone In Your Life Too Soon

This is a huge no-no. Maybe hold-off telling your entire family, all your friends, and every colleague about a potential partner until they cement themselves in your life as an actual partner. This spares you the sad dance of explaining over Thanksgiving dinner or in the break room whatever happened with that nice man named George?


8. Wanting Different Things

Big things matter. You want kids and your partner doesn't? Seems like a deal breaker, no matter how much you love the other person. You want marriage and they don't? It's worth having an honest conversation. If you both share similar goals and visions for the future, you'll have a *much* better chance of avoiding that ~50% divorce rate.


9. Having Different Values

Similar to #8, but different. Are you a flaming Democrat and they a devout Republican? This isn't a total deal breaker, but you might simply value different things. Is your partner one of those people who never return grocery carts and toss cigarette butts into ditches? Are you not? Seems problematic. If you and your partner share a similar moral code, your lives will more easily intertwine and again, you'll have a *much* better chance of avoiding that ~50% divorce rate.


10. Ignoring Red Flags

There are so, so many red flags including but not limited to: the aforementioned dick pic, being overly critical of past partners, an inability to communicate, being pushy, being entitled, being mean to other people (like waitstaff), not following through on plans, talking about themselves incessantly, being critical or dismissive, being overly complimentary right off the bat, insisting on ordering your food or drinks, commenting on the price of everything, are too touchy too soon, or expect you to cancel plans with your friends or loved ones. There are too many red flags to list, so read more here or here.


P.S. In compiling my second book of poetry (find my first one here), I wrote this pithy poem about dick pics. Enjoy ❤️




One Too Many Dick Pics

one, is one too many dick pics

hey baby sweetie pie sugar plum

I’ve got a present for ya

really? a Tiffany bracelet?

a check for rent? front row

seats at a Laker’s game?

a dotted line

where I sign my name

and take yours?

...wait

a dick pic is not a gift

it’s an ego boost

a power move

the best and worst thing about you

is your dick

your obsession with it

man, it’s not even big

maybe four or five inches

on a generous day, are you in?

(oh, you’re done)

the only one impressed

by your dick is you, oughta go

on a honeymoon with your schlong

I’ve known all along

you’ve got an ego bigger than

the playboy mansion

you think popped collars

are still in fashion, boy

you’ve got balls, I’ll give you that

but I’m not sending you

a photo back

I’ll keep my tits wrapped

and my pants zipped high

no doesn’t feel great does it?

but at least you asked

you never gave me the chance

to not see this photo

you, and him, and he should know

that one

is one too many dick pics


xoxo


Sarah Rose